Archive for April, 2010

a little love for me…


It seems silly that something as small as a number could make such a difference in our lives. My 24th birthday has just been passed over and for some reason that number, the simplicity of going from a 3 to a 4 when someone asks your age is very insignificant for the most part. But for me it’s about what changed inside of me. I have always been insecure in many areas in my life, growing up as the fat kid tends to lend itself to that and although I have not fit that persona for several years now there is still a piece of me that has always been unsure, a little unsteady and very questioning. I know that it didn’t all magically disapear on my 24th birthday or something like a magic spell, but I grew up a little bit with the move. Perhaps it has something to do with the current success in my business, or the oncoming of summer or even a fight with a loved one bringing those insecurities to the surface and realizing they are a figment of my imagination, but I feel alive, open and full of love! It’s a tremendous feeling and maybe it’s temporary, but I feel stable in mind and spirit, in life and love. But most importantly I think I realize how important loving yourself is, and how much taking care of yourself can enhance all other areas of your life greatly! Maybe I’ve had too much time to think on my hands or maybe in just really happy, either way a change has taken place in me and I must admit I like it very much!




There are a plethora of things in my life that I do not understand. Many are things that will never make a difference in my life, but some I feel hinder my ability to do certain things in life such as love, forgive, believe, and to be happy. I know that life is supposed to be exciting and scary and new, but sometimes, just sometimes I wish that life would be a little more routine, so that the possibility of me understanding the actions of others could be a bit more simplistic. I’m learning a lot about relationships, the give and take, the things that are and are not worth fighting about, the happiness that they bring and yet also the complete and utter confusion that seems to be a must sometimes whether we like it or not. My question for you: why do people do things they know will hurt us, will get under our skin and that when done to them it brings on anger and frustration. As much as I know I have been in the past and will be in the future completely guilty of doing this myself, it confuses me. Why do we do it? Is it revenge? Is it being spiteful? Or mean? Maybe we do it without realizing it, or maybe we feel that it’s a better option than another action we could take. Regardless of our reasoning or excuses it is down right hurtful to those we love. We may not mean for it to be, or maybe that’s exactly what is meant, but in the end it puts a brick back into the wall we build to keep people at a distance. That single brick could make no difference whatsoever at all to the wall or it could be the final brick before the wall is complete, at which point we move on from that person and learn not to be so trusting with our fragile bricks. That is of course an extreme example, but a real one none the less. As hard as it may be sometimes we must learn to think of others, think of their fears and pet peeves, their feelings and their love when we go about taking or sometimes not taking actions in our life. It is a small step that could make a huge difference to the other person, you, and the relationship that exists between the two of you.