blue.

Lonely. I don’t even like the word, let alone the feeling. I am always so go go go in my life and I love it! I love being around people and never stopping, especially when it’s accomplishing my dreams and/or spending time with people I really care about. I can work until 3 am, easy, but that first night off after being non-stop for days or weeks in a row can be cruel. I don’t know if there’s a medical term for it, but I always feel like this. After my christmas party, my birthday party, basically any gathering of sorts that gets me super busy, then the crash. Time to relax and time to myself can be my worst nightmare. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy relaxing as much as the next person but I like to relax with people, in the company of people that I care about. I don’t know what’s up with my semi-blue mood. I am happy, I’m always happy. There is no way that I could possibly be unhappy with all the good in my life, but I’m allowed to be lonely every once in a while, right? Maybe it’s not hearing from the one person I really wanted to today. Maybe it’s just that I’m in the middle of a life change attitude wise and I’m stumbling a bit today. Or maybe it’s a combination. There is an amazing man out there that I have been hanging out with and I am so excited to see him this next. I don’t know when yet and perhaps the lack of planning is making me a bit crazy, but this is a lesson I need to learn. When it’s right, it will happen. Bottom line. And I have to learn to let it, to have faith in the fact that he wants to see me just as much as I do him and that he has his own life as do I and it takes time to let someone in. He really is amazing. I have come to the conclusion that I really enjoy spending time with him and making him smile makes me happy. And seeing him makes me happy, and for the first time I feel like someone wants to spend time with me as much as I want to with him. That is rare for me, and I like it, a lot.

Things I want:

To be happy.

To be healthy.

To have Big Love.

To love from a place of overflow rather than lack and be loved in return that way.

To be able to be goofy and completely silly with my man.

To believe in faith and know that the universe knows what’s best for me.

To be able to support, love and believe in with my whole heart the man I’m supposed to be with.

To be successful in my dreams and be able to watch him be successful in his.

To live as if I have no pain, no doubt, and no sadness.

To be someone’s happy ending and meet mine.

To be a mom with someone who loves kids as much as I do.

To live out the little moments in my career and with the one that I’ve been dreaming about since I was 3.

To never doubt the love of my life and his commitment to me and to have him be able to do the same.

To write a book and have it published.

To laugh every single day, many times over.

To appreciate the little things.

To make the choice of LOVE in every step of my life, regardless.

I know that I will have these things when the timing is right. Your heart does not desire that which is not in your future. You just have to be open to it, be full of and always choose love and be happy with yourself. Be full in your own right, make the love and happiness you desire the sprinkles on top instead of the only thing in the cup!

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