a morning smile.

There is something extremely powerful about a smile.  A simple smile has the power behind it to change someone’s day, change someone’s mind or change someone’s life.  Personally I believe in smiling, smiling a lot and I think that it can not only make other people happier but it makes me happier as well.  Sometimes during the worst moments in life a cracked smile can be a comforting gesture.  Some people of course don’t quit feel this way and some people aren’t that into enjoying all of life, but instead choose boundaries and think that happiness and laughter have a place and time, they’d rather be more serious and focused and argumentative.  And if that’s what works for them then great!  But as for me I believe in the smile, in the laughter and in never taking anything too seriously.  It’s just life after all and in case you forgot…none of us are making it out alive anyway.  It was recently brought to my attention that I was different in the fact that I did not like to fight, this person had been in relationships only with girls that liked to argue and bicker.  Hmm.  I took this as a huge compliment and that’s exactly how he meant it, but he said that by now (the point at which we are in our relationship) that he would be used to fighting over little stupid things and just having to appease the other person as to not anger them basically, at least that’s what I got out of what he was saying.  this certainly made me stop and think about my own feelings toward this topic.  I have always been the pacifier… When I was a kid I sat with a nervous stomach if anyone crossed my dad, I didn’t want my parents to fight, and when they did I always stuck my head in and tried to be the voice of reason.  Just appease, it was easier that way.  And at family gatherings I was always on edge waiting for the roof to blow, for one of my aunts to get a little drunk and yell at someone or cross someone with their bitter unhappy attitudes about life, love and everything in between.  And in high school I was the girl that would do anything to make everyone happy, I once got our entire class out of taking a test by baking a lasagna the next day.  And I constantly had cupcakes for someone birthday or treats for everyone on a holiday.  Make them happy.  As I’ve gotten older I’ve obviously never lost that sense to please, I have however figured out that I have to please myself as well if not more than others, it goes back to that whole “loving from a place of overflow instead of lack” idea.  But that gut wrenching feeling I had as a child when my family fought, and boy did they fight, has never gone away.  It’s gotten better over the last year, but I still have a tense stomach when I’m at my parents house and I need a whole roll of tums to even step foot in my grandparents house for the holidays, the older my aunts got, you guessed it, the bitterness and anger grew.  But I think this trained me to be the different girl that he is intrigued by and enjoying.  I don’t believe in going to bed angry, I’m lucky to make it through a fight without making a dumb ass remark and breaking out in laughter.  I just think if you are open and honest and you love someone there is no reason to fight all of the time.  Sure things will happen and of course you’re going to be angry at each other sometimes but say your peace, find a solution that works for everyone and move on.  Every moment spent fighting is a moment that could have been spent loving.  And I don’t know about you but I could never have too many moments of loving…ever.  Maybe it’s him being just as goofy and silly as I am, maybe it’s that we found something real, but I can’t stand the thought of fighting with him over something stupid, I want to soak up all the good and the thought of hurting his feelings makes me completely sad and is something that I would certainly spend every minute I could to keep it from happening.  I like to laugh, I like to smile and I think that is exactly how life should be spent.  That’s exactly what I’ve been searching for….someone I can wake up next to, see a morning smile on their face greeting mine and laugh for the rest of our lives.

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