Archive for November, 2011



It’s been a while since I’ve written… Sorry for that. E and I have been so busy with everything. We just hit our 6 month mark, and I couldn’t be more in love. What an amazing man. Every day I thank God for bringing him into my life, well I should get better about actually talking to him and thanking him not just in my mind. However, onto my words! 🙂

Here I lay… In bed alone. It doesn’t happen often these days, one, maybe two days tops per week. E and I are at this amazing stage of our relationship. We’re comfortable with each other. And that is a beautiful thing. But…that also means that some of the romance has subsided as well. To a certain extent at least. All of those long nights stating up talking about how lucky we were to find each other and how I’m the only girl for him ever. And the “I love you so much baby”‘s turned into “love ya”‘s. I’m not complaining, I would never want anyone to think that, ever!!! This man is beyond anything I ever thought I could find. I’m just trying to understand, I suppose. Understand that just because we don’t stay up late talking about those things doesn’t mean they’re not true, they hold true until told otherwise. Or at least that’s what I’ve been told. When men say something they mean it and if they stop meaning it, they tell you. I’m just not used to that. My parents fought a lot, my family fights a lot, my childhood was filled with friends that only liked me for a minute then turned around and said something else. My life has been full of me not knowing, guessing. And when you grow up in a family where people made it uneasy, and worry some at all times it’s hard to convince yourself that everything’s ok when your older. I am practicing grateful. Knowing that i should “Look back in forgiveness, look forwards in trust. Be here now in Love.” is something that I’m working on. Yesterday is gone, the pain, the heartache, the giant hole it’s left in me are all part of something I can do nothing about, but also part of who I am and part of what’s shaped me and made me, well me. And whatever happens tomorrow is there to do exactly the same thing. So right now in this moment, not thinking about yesterday or tomorrow, what do I have?

An amazing man who loves me, who tells me and shows me he loves me every single day. A man that I am growing something beautiful with through good times and even more so through bad. A man that I need to chill out for, just be there for and relax knowing that right here and now all those wonderful things he said to me still are true and that we have gotten to a beautiful new comfortable place with each other where we can let our hair down per say and be our complete and crazy selves with each other. A man that I have a first Christmas together to look forward to, a Christmas party and vacation to LA to look forward to. But right now I have his love, his devotion & commitment, and his heart and he has mine, and that is a rare and beautiful thing.

My family
My health
My jobs
My love
My home
My pets
Food on my table
Clothes on my back
A talent that can fund my life
My car

He left this afternoon to go home for Thanksgiving and I could not have asked for a better goodbye. Oh, how sweet it was, I smiled all day :). And I leave in the morning. He promised to call and he text me to let me know he got there. Here’s my pledge: to know with unwavering faith that our love is real, it’s right here, right now, through the ebb and flow, on days and off. To know that how I feel after or about a conversation or date or text is all in how I interpret it, I choose to see love in those things, not pull out the things that could make me worry, NO, to see only my soulmate staring back at me, loving me, good mood & bad, with his whole heart. I choose LOVE, I choose happiness and I choose to know that whatever happens is meant to be. Love has no guarantees so give it all you’ve got and enjoy it for everything it is right here, right now!