Posts Tagged ‘dating’

wavering faith.

25/06/2011

Why is it so hard to have faith sometimes, so hard to believe. Maybe it goes back to the feeling in the pit of my stomach from childhood that i carried waiting for destruction to hit, waiting for someone to lose it and things come crashing down. Maybe its the amount of times that ive been stood up and/or left in the dark with men and love. Or maybe its that I’m terrified of losing this amazing thing that I’ve found. I dont know. But i am holding down the urge to think the bad. Im one of those people in life that hopes for the good, believes in the good, has faith in the good, but plans for the worst just in case. Its a trait crucial for sucess in business but crippling when it comes to love. I make sure that in any situation i know what i believe will happen, what i want to happen, but i also know the worst possible outcome and have a plan for what id do if. Maybe thats smart, maybe its being aware, but i wish i could just live the maybe. Not worry about or wonder which way its going to go. Just be here now and have complete faith in the good and know that if it doesnt go my way, that if it doesnt fit my plan then its not meant to be and something better will come along. The universe is for us, it has our best interest and happiness at heart at all times and i believe that all the good in my dreams will come to me when im ready for it. But why do i get so nervous? Im fighting the feeling in my stomach right now. Its painful and debilitating and i dont like it. What will happen? Plans have been set in stone for a week, nothing has wavered, nothing has changed, but somehow i feel uneasy and scared that it wont happen. I think that comes from so much disappointment from men in my past. Wherever it came from i do not like it. Its an insult to him, to think he would not show up for me, to think he would be like all the rest, and insulting him is the very last thing i’d ever want to do. He is wonderful and sweet and has done nothing but tell me how much he wants to see me and enjoys the time we spend together. Why can’t i ride high on this? I do, dont get me wrong, and i believe him in my heart i do. But my brain gets in the way of letting it always be in my mind this way. Perhaps its the unresponded to text about time that has me a bit concerned, perhaps it really is just scary because its so good and im afraid to lose it or perhaps its that i cant believe that i deserve such an amazing man. I dont know, but i need to believe, have faith and just love like crazy. His smile makes my day brighter, his touch fills me with happy and just being next to him makes me smile and never want to stop. So whats the problem? I choose to believe in him and us. Dont create a problem with fear and worry. Live right now in the happiness thats found you and enjoy it fully!

“That thing, that moment, when you kiss someone and everything around becomes hazy and the only thing in focus is you and this person and you realize that that person is the only person that you’re supposed to kiss for the rest of your life, and for one moment you get this amazing gift and you want to laugh and you want to cry because you feel so lucky that you found it and so scared that that it will go away all at the same time.”

what is “supposed to”?

19/06/2011

What is “supposed to”? We’ve all said it pertaining to many different things in our lives whether we are or are not “supposed to”. As children our parents are constantly reminding us of what we are and are not “supposed to” be doing. And as adults we know the right from wrong, good from bad, well at least for the most part. But when it comes to our dreams, our plans, and our lives in general i find it very hard to know what is “supposed to”. I have often heard people say that love is “supposed to” be hard. I know that being in a relationship is work, it takes effort to grow something amazing. But love, love is not hard. Love is what we are born to do, we never have to learn it, we just have to choose it over the bad that we are taught in our lives. Choosing love can be a difficult game, sure, but once you start you dont want to stop. But love as an action, as a feeling is not hard. I am learning this for the very first time. And i have a wonderful man as my instructor. Love. It brings about thoughts of happiness followed by fear followed by security. This is my path at least. Love is a feeling thats harder to repress than it is to feel for when its right love will come up and slap you in the face. My cheek is still burning, i swear! This is too easy, its not “supposed to” be this easy, its not “supposed to” be like this and I’m not “supposed to” be falling for you this fast…these are things that i heard this week come out of a man that i feel the exact same way about. Shocking! You mean someone gets me, my crazy sweet self and is actually feeling the same way? Ahh, yes, finally. Its scary in a good way to feel like this so fast. But amazing and im trying to soak it all up. But here’s what i believe… We are all on a journey and when youre journey matches up with someone elses journey and you fall in mutual like then thats whats “supposed to” be. Thats it, there are no rules on how fast it happens or how it goes, its just fate knocking on your door giving you your hearts desires, manifesting your dreams. It is that easy, it is that simple and it is love. Not “supposed to” be, no, is. I am in awe and im in like and i believe in this, in him, in us. And when someone tells you they like you, you make them happy and that they want to be with you…give them a huge kiss and hold on like hell because youre about the start the ride of your life! Im on it and i dont ever want to get off.

peace on my mind.

13/06/2011

I have peace on my mind today, but I’m having a very tough time achieving it. Things I have to be happy about: my career (one day at a time my dream is coming to fruition), my girlfriends (I’ve recently taken stock of who’s toxic and who’s healthy for me, these girls are so much love in my life), my health (let us never forget to be thankful for this), my family (I hate being so far away, I love them dearly), a good cup of coffee + my computer and the ability to write, my beautiful little niece (she’s perfect), a new special connection with a great guy and the future that could hold (must learn patience and have faith in this one), inner happiness (I am finally coming to realize who I really am, its been a journey and i know there is much more road to cover but i have fallen in love with me, who i have become), and i know this is kinda doubling up but i have finally met a man that at the very least has taught me what im really looking for, how i deserve to be treated and that amazing men are out there, sometimes right on your doorstep (i am thankful and grateful for this lesson, and looking forward to spending more time with him). With all of that why am i having a tough time with peace. The Daily Love (thedailylove.com) today was about being calm in times of chaos, acting as you would when the chaos has been resolved but doing it in the middle of the chaos instead of letting it get to you. I dont know about you but this is a lesson i need to learn and stat. I am choosing today to make this happen. This is what i know and what i choose to keep me calm today: he is good, he is handsome and beautiful inside too, he is sweet and kind, funny!, full of nonsense and my heart lights up when he looks at me the way he does. Faith, hope & love… This is all i can do, and i am full of all 3.
Let love guide you to be yourself, to believe in good and to live in the present and enjoy it.

to be.

06/06/2011

Is it wrong to stay positive? I have alway been a super positive person. That’s why so many of my friends call me Sarah Sunshine…or at least they used to. With growing came more and more heart ache and pain and I let it and some of the people in my life get to me. I started to be the girl who hated men and thought they were all out to hurt us and sat in the pit of sorrow and rolled around for hours with friends in the same boat. But I’ve taken a giant step back and begun to look at my life and my attitude. Our attitude is the only thing in which we can control. Perhaps it is being around different and supportive friends, perhaps it is being in the “getting to know each other” phase with an amazing man who I can’t wait to learn more about, or perhaps I’m learning again who I am and bringing back the sunshine. People have always gotten onto me for wearing my heart on my sleeve, for being so open to love and positive and being a dreamer. Finally I think these comments had gotten to me. I know most of my friends have my best interest at heart, they don’t want to see me get hurt again, and I’m certain there were some who just wanted a pity party partner. But I am taking back my attitude, I believe in love. Is that a bad thing? I believe that there is someone out there for me and I know I will find him in the perfect time. It may not be in my time, but when it’s meant to happen I know it will and I am choosing to look at everything that has happened as lessons learned, all the guys that never called back, all the ones that took your heart and ripped it up leaving your feelings stranded on a cold kitchen floor, and the big love that you thought was it, but it just wasn’t right. These are all lessons, things to make you appreciate the one even more. And I believe in dreaming. It may get you stepped on from time to time but I believe dreaming is another form of planning. Some people say it’s easier to have no hopes, that way they don’t get shattered. But I say hope, dream, have faith, imagine how good this one could turn out to be, if you feel it: live in that and appreciate every moment. And if it doesn’t work out, move on, grow, grieve if you need to but know that it’s just a step and that it didn’t work out because there is something so much better in store for you. “Someday, someone will come along and make you realize why it never worked out with anyone else.” It may seem at times hard to believe, especially when all you can do is think about a love lost but it will get better, he will come along and when he does being negative and telling yourself he’s just like all the rest, while secretly hoping he’s the one will get you nowhere. Be yourself, be happy and fulfilled in your own right and be open to love. And when you meet someone that takes your breath away, let it come to you, enjoy it slowly and let it grow, don’t rush it, if it’s right it will figure itself out and you will know what they mean by “it’s worth the wait”. Enjoy the good feelings, let yourself feel them and if you daydream a little so be it, maybe that’s the universes way of giving you a glimpse into your future. Believe in love, have faith in love, have patience and you will find yourself in time surrounded by more joy than you ever thought possible. Don’t ever let anyone take your sunshine away!

the meaning of ignorance.

02/06/2011

“to do something over and over again the same way expecting different results.”. This was the definition of ignorance that was brought to my attention this week. I heard it and immediately said “isn’t that dating.”. There’s a fine line with dating. You have to take the past and learn from it, grow, and I suppose each time you meet someone new you’ve learned a little and thus changed at least some of how you take on the next person, but you also have to always be yourself. Of course “yourself” changes constantly but I think you do go about dating being yourself each time and waiting for the moment that you find someone and join up in mutual weirdness.  I think there is a beauty in ignorance and when we let ourselves believe that this time it might just be different, that’s the only time that the difference will occur.  You have to have faith.  And if that means being open and dreaming and being “ignorant” in some peoples mind, then so be it.  It’s hard, it’s a game to date and as women we get our feelings hurt quite often, but to stand by up and try again is not ignorance, it’s beauty in it’s rarest form.  Faith.  We must believe in the good, it is out there and hoping for it and having faith in it may bring some people to ridicule you and call you naive, but it is them who is naive and shut off from love.  How could you possibly find love if you are shut off from it.  It’s impossible.  It’s us, the ones who keep the faith and keep trying no matter how hard we get pushed down that will be rewarded with pure bliss and all the things the universe has in store for us, which is everything we desire in our hearts.  Be ignorant, have faith and the world will be your oyster!

the waiting game.

31/05/2011

“When you find the person you want to spend the rest of your life with you want the rest o your life to start as soon as possible.”. Although it’s a good quote this is the reason I am such an over-stresser when it comes to relationships. Some of us have burned in our minds that if we feel a special connection with someone he should want to see us and talk to us all the time. Otherwise they don’t like us at all. Talk about toxic and self-destructive! This is what’s been burned into our minds by Disney and fairytales and stories of exceptions about people we’ve never met. Yeah, well I’ve played telephone and chances are that story is over fabricated by the time it’s getting to me. Yes, big love and great love does exist and I believe that it does come out of nowhere sometimes, but I also know that it takes work and patience to get through the “dating” phase. It down right sucks. You never know when or if he’s going to call, we’ll tell ourselves “I’m sure he’s just like all the rest of them” until he finally does call and then we’re so elated that we probably scare the crap out of him. It’s that phase of doubt where insecurity can eat you alive and a text message that’s a day later than it should be might just send you over the edge. Why? Why can’t we just be patient. I get a little discouraged with my career sometimes but I know in my heart an most of the time in my mind that I will fulfill my destiny, I will be great and I will make my dreams come true. So why on earth is it so much easier to be completely negative about my love life. I’ve been trying so hard. I finally met a real honest nice guy. He is so nice and we talk for hours bout everything and nothing all at the same time. He’s cute and I feel amazing when I’m with him. I’ve been so positive because I’ve never met anybody quite like him. I keep thinking maybe this will be different, maybe he won’t break my heart. But the more the “dating” phase proceeds the more I begin to doubt the optimism and wonder if once again I misread the signs and he really wasn’t that into me. Why? If it’s meant to be, it will find it’s way. I must find the patience to move forward, the love in myself to be happy either way and an attitude that says “if it’s not him, imagine how much better the person you are supposed to be with is.”. I think that might be the key. That and maybe a glass of wine!

“Love yourself first and everyone else will follow!”